Phil prepares a hilarious routine for an upcoming banquet but Claire fears it will flop. Cameron gets back into exercise but wears very revealing bike shorts. Gloria drags Jay to one of his employees parties.
Jay, Gloria and Manny have a noisy dog next door. So Gloria deals with it. Manny and Jay think she might have killed it. Cam and Mitchell try to get Lily into a pre-school. Claire is fed up with all the gadgets preventing her family from communicating with one another. So she tries to ban them for a week/ Phil misses the point and turns it into a contest where if the kids win they get whatever they want.
Claire loves Halloween and tries to create a good haunted house experience for local kids. Mitchell wears a Spider-Man suit to work before realising that no one else dresses up. Gloria is angry at Jay because he points out how many words she mispronounces.
Claire is home ill and tries to persuade Hayley not to throw her life away with Dylan. Phil meanwhile is trying to change a smoke alarm battery. Manny gets into an accident at Jay's work and doesn't want Jay to fire the man responsible. Cameron wants Lily to star in a commercial.
It's Manny's birthday and all three families are running late. Claire and Phil decide to take separate routes and see whose way is faster. Gloria has lost her keys and Phil points out that she is disorganised. Manny feels he has wasted his childhood. Cam is telling Mitchell about spontaneity when a flash mob breaks out.
Hayley breaks up with Dylan and Phil takes pity on him. Cameron's mother comes to visit and Mitchell is uncomfortable with the way she touches him. Jay has pains in his stomach but Gloria makes fun of him for being a wuss.
Lily has begun biting people and Mitch and Cam fret over what to do to stop her. It's Manny and Luke's school dance and Jay and Phil take them to the mall. Meanwhile Claire is organising the dance and feels Gloria is stealing her thunder.
Mitchell runs into his high school girlfriend and thinks she might be raising his son. Phil tries to be honest with some 'friends' that he and Gloria met on holiday but she is upset at how he handled it. Claire and Phil worry about Alex' stress levels and whether they are intellectually curious enough as parents.
The Dunphy children walk in on their parents having sex and are shocked. They rush out of the house while Claire and Phil fret over what to say to them. Gloria accidentally sends a rude email to Claire and she and Jay head over to try and intercept it. Cameron and Mitchell arrange a play date with the owner of a local restaurant to try and get a reservtion.
Claire and Phil try to relive last year's disastrous role-playing to avoid feeling old. Manny tries to convince Hayley to be single for a while. Jay tries to trick Gloria into thinking he hadn't planned anything for Valentine's Day. Mitchell thinks his assistant has a crush on him but Cameron thinks it might be him instead.